YAKKITY YAK!
Do you have that inner voice that talks smack to you all the
time? You know the one. It never has a kind word to say to you. It knows all your shortcomings and
failures. And it is never shy about
pointing them all out to you.
There was a time that I denied having an inner voice that
was discouraging and a finger pointer.
Now I know that it wasn’t that one didn’t exist. It was that I was so used to hearing it
yakking at me, that I no longer could differentiate that voice from any other.
That voice told me I was fat and a failure. How many times did I hear that voice telling
me how I didn’t measure up and never would.
That voice could take a great conversation I had with a friend and
convince me that there were hidden meanings.
It didn’t take much for me to believe the lies.
Yes, they were lies.
Everything that little but persistent voice said to me was a lie. That voice never said, “Great job,
Caryn! You jogged a half a mile.” No, this gnat of a voice would say, “I
wouldn’t call what you do, jogging. More
like walking and not very fast at that!
You’ll never be a jogger!” This
voice would tell me how fat and ugly I was and that it would never be any
different because I was a loser and a failure.
During the past year on my last weight loss journey with
Skinny Fiber, I struggled when this little tyrant would start blabbering to
me. Sometimes I could ignore it;
sometimes I couldn’t. I remember one 24
hour period that I just couldn’t deal with it anymore. I bought me 20 mini ice cream cones (I gave
myself some points for not buying the regular size ice cream cones! Lol) and I ate them all in that time. Yeah, I felt disgusted. Yep, I felt like a failure and a loser. I thought “how can I convince people how
great losing this weight is when I failed so miserably?”
Two things happened that day. The first is I decided that the next day I
would go back on my program and forget about the ice cream cones. I also decided that day that I didn’t have to
listen to the inner brat taunting me, accusing me and tearing me down. I could just decide to block out the sound of
that bull dozer voice. It would be up to
me from now on.
Since then I have done so much better. First, if I want something sweet or gooey, I
get one at a store where they sell them in singles. Once it’s gone, it’s gone but I still have
the satisfaction of having had some, just not lots and lots of it. The second thing I did was to stop listening
to that voice. Oh, not only did it
ridicule me and remind me of every failure, it would try to convince me that
this weight loss journey was no different than any of the other hundreds I had
been on. It tried to convince me that
boy am I going to be embarrassed when I fail, again, and all of facebook, my
SBC family and people I don’t even know on social media realize I was a fraud,
a failure, and worthless, again.
Not this time! When I
hear that voice trying to convince me that I shouldn’t exercise, I get
proactive. I might jog twice that day
instead of once. When it tells me what a
failure I am, I look at the clothes I am now wearing…sizes 16 and a few
18’s. That reminds me that the voice is
a liar! When it taunts me with “people
are staring at you and making fun of you jogging”, I refuse to listen. I get out my videos and look at my legs. How strong they have become in such a short
time and how they are starting to look like the legs of a runner.
I’m telling you this because I know I’m not the only one
with that miserable little voice that would rather see you lying in a heap on
the floor crying than to see you in charge of your life. Mute the brat! You don’t have to listen to it! Write down examples of all the successes you
have had in your life and especially now on your own last weight loss
journey.
Do I still hear that cranky little troublemaker? I do but not as often anymore. You don’t have to either. Decide to shut the noise down and live in a
space where you revel in your successes and not your failures.
copyrighted 2014
caryn cannatella
