CHANGING YOUR NAME

CHANGING YOUR NAME

How would you feel if your child decided to change their name?

My son wants to change his name.  He wants to drop his first name, change the spelling of his middle name and only use that name with his last name.  He promised his dad he would wait until he passed since his dad gave him his first name.

To be honest, it doesn't matter to me.  Whatever makes him happy.  And how could his dad or I say anything when we both changed our names?  Jim's was legally changed; I changed mine 30 years ago but not legally.  Even family members used our new names.

The only reason I put (Debby Moore) on my Facebook page is so the people I knew as a kid would recognize who I am now.  I was never a Debby.  In fact, it just sounds so odd when someone (even a dr) refers to me by that name.  From the minute I decided to go by Caryn, I have always felt at home.  The only people who refer to me as Debby/Debra are the government, or anything legal.  Even my friends of more than 40 years call me Caryn.  Jim was the same way.  He was never a Mike; he was always a Jim.  My boss thinks it is funny to sometimes call me "Debra".  When he does, I just call him by his brother's name.  He gets the point. 

So, Cody Javier, if you want to change your name to Xavier, I'm good with it.  I know he feels that Xavier fits him and that's all that matters to me!

copyrighted 2014

caryn Cannatella

Skinny Fiber Orders:  www.caryncann.com

DO YOU LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO BE HEALTHY?

DO YOU LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO BE HEALTHY?

Today I heard a woman who had lost a lot of weight say the following.  “Your children (or grandchildren) don’t want you to be able to take them somewhere to play.  They want you to play with them.” And “Your husband/wife (or significant other) doesn’t want you to take care of him/her.  They want you to take care of yourself.”

When I heard her say this, it made me cry.  I did this so much when my kids were little.  I was great at taking them places to play but I couldn’t play with them.  One of my son’s fondest memories is the summer he, Ashlie and I got up every morning and went bike riding.  I wish I had been able to do this more.

And what about that significant other or spouse?  Well, I did have a pretty face.  Wasn’t that enough?  Did it matter that I was hidden under layers and layers of fat?  I did take care of him but could I dance with him?  Could I walk around The Strand with him?  Did I even have the energy to get out and do things with him?  I didn’t.  I dreaded anytime we were going out to do something.  I would stay in the hotel room and he would take the kids out.  I figured they wouldn’t miss me and besides, I thought they were embarrassed to be seen with me.

So here I am all these years later.  I’m single and my kids are grown.  I can’t relive those years of inactivity and hiding in this suit of fat.  But I can choose to live differently.  I can choose to eat healthy.  I can choose to get up and exercise.  Is it easy?  Sometimes and it does get easier with time.  Is it difficult?  More often than I would like to admit.  Are there times I want to give up?  NEVER!  I might mess up on a particular day but the next morning I am back on track.  That is probably the biggest lesson I have learned.   You will only stay fat if you give up!  You might have a bad day but it is just one day!  When you get back on track, you feel back in control.  And you know that you are doing it.  You are getting healthy.

I will say the impetus for all of my changes this past year began with a weight loss supplement made from plants called Skinny Fiber.  Yeah, big deal.  That’s what I thought.  How many diet pills, supplements, diets, experimental drugs, hypnosis, starvation and stomach stapling had I tried over 53 years?  I tried ‘em all.  This time I decided I would just follow the instructions of Skinny Fiber.  Didn’t change my diet that first month.  Just took two capsules twice daily with 16 oz  of water, drank half my weight in ounces (water) daily and stopped eating when I felt full.  And you know what happened?  I lost 10 pounds that first month.  That convinced me to keep on with the program.

At one year on my weight loss journey with Skinny Fiber, I decided to start exercising.  It’s been 5 weeks and I’m jogging over 1.5 miles a day and I’m currently doing a squat challenge.  I’m up to 140 a day!  How ‘bout that for a 61 year old woman who still weighs over 230 pounds!

My advice to anyone who has been living in a protective suit of fat, is to take a chance.  This suit that you think is somehow protecting you is actually killing you!  I know you want to live.  I did!  Decide that you are worth the effort to lose weight and become healthy.  There is no magical pill or drink.  Skinny Fiber is a great tool and I doubt I would have made it this far without it.  But the magic lies in you.  It’s there just waiting for you to tap it. 

And when you do, you will see your life transformed.  From the inside out and the outside in.  I know I’m worth the work.  I know you are too.  Just decide that you deserve to be smaller and healthier.  Just get up each morning and decide that just for today I’m going to eat healthy and move.  You will be amazed at your own transformation, inside and out.  I was a failure at it for 53 years and look at me now!

copyrighted 2014

caryn cannatella

www.caryncann.com

BIG FISH IN A LITTLE POND

BIG FISH IN A LITTLE POND

My daddy was a preacher in a small church in a small town.  He was happy being that small town preacher.  For many years he held a second job too.  But preaching was his passion and that church and its members was his life.

My mother always thought he short-changed himself.  I can remember her saying, “He could be preaching at a big church that would provide us a home and a bigger salary.”  He didn’t care.  Everyone at church knew him and he knew them.  He visited them when they were in the hospital.  He would go to their homes just to check in on them.  He would pray with them.  He kept their confidences.  He knew everyone’s kids, nieces and nephews, the grandparents and aunts and uncles. 

He had his faults and shortcomings but he had his positives also.  He was tender hearted.  He never met a stranger.  He would strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere.  He was a very fast and accurate typist.  He cooked the best roast, potatoes and carrots I’ve ever eaten.  He didn’t hold a grudge.  His church members were his family and friends.  He didn’t have lofty goals and he achieved the ones he set for himself.

He was a great preacher.  His messages were succinct.  I remember him telling me that when he was in college he had a professor who said, “If you can’t get your point across in 30 minutes, you need to sit down.”  He took that to heart.  His sermons were almost always 30 minutes, except if the Cowboys were playing an early game.  Then his sermon might be 20 minutes.  No matter the length of the sermon, his message was well thought out.  Preaching truly was his calling in life.  And not just preaching but leading a congregation.  That was all he wanted in his career.

Many times when I have had to decide whether to work for a small company or a big corporation, I always thought of my daddy.  I heard him say many times, “I’d rather be a big fish in a small pond than a small fish in a big pond.”  I feel the same way.  That’s why he stayed at that little church in that little town for so many years.  I know he was glad he did. 

copyrighted 2014

caryn cannatella

www.caryncann.com

THE SADDEST DAY OF MY LIFE

THE SADDEST DAY OF MY LIFE

I was sitting here thinking about how blessed I am.   I see and talk to so many people who have such great sadness in their lives.  It made me think about being sad.    The saddest day of my life was the day I had my hysterectomy.  I was 32.

All I ever wanted to be was a mommy.  Well, that and Room Mother in elementary school.   I must have cried a million tears.  I had reached the end of my journey of having a baby.  There would be no more fertility treatments.  No more taking my temperature to see when I was ovulating.  My body had completely turned against me and could not do the one thing I so desperately wanted it to do.  I felt like my life had ended.

And to make it even worse, my surgeon decided (for his convenience) to put me on the new born floor.  I literally thought I would have a breakdown.   It was one of the few times I ever saw my ex get aggressive with anyone.  The only thing worse than that was when a well intentioned person said, “well, at least you won’t have a period any more. Lol”  I reminded them that I would also never be able to carry a baby.

It was a sad dark period of my life.  The only painting I have ever done was right before my surgery.  It was cold, barren, icy and nothing alive.  I still have that painting in my house to remind me just how sad and unhappy I was during that period.  Oh, I tried to comfort myself by having my nails done and my hair done every month.  But you know what?  Nothing, and I mean nothing fills that void of wanting so desperately to have a baby.  And then knowing for sure that it won’t happen.

My niece was born the day of my surgery.  She was conceived the same month as my last pregnancy which ended in a miscarriage.   She was bright spot in my world but still a reminder that my baby would have been the same age.

But then that day came, almost 7 years later, when my ex called and said, “Carolena wants to know if we want to adopt her baby?”  I couldn’t believe it!  I was so afraid of jinxing it before we even picked her up that we told no one.   When she placed Ashlie in my arms, my world became right.  That void in my heart was filled.  I was a mommy.  

Even out of this sad time came a blessing so huge that at the time I could not see it through my grief.  Even when we can’t see it, God is working behind the scenes.  Sometimes it seems to me that it’s like pieces of a puzzle.  You might not see the entire picture but when it’s completed you realize how the pieces were being laid down in exactly the right places.

Out of sadness and grief came the most wonderful gift I could ever imagine.  My daughter, Ashlie. 

Copyrighted 2014

Caryn Cannatella

www.caryncann.com

MOTHER AND DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIPS - A LOVE STORY

MOTHER AND DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIPS – A LOVE STORY

Before Ashlie came to me, I had a man tell me that I would have a daughter.  He said:  She is going to be like a fairy running through the forest, up and down the trees, wild and free.  Your job is to teach her to exist within the confines of society while still allowing her to be that free spirit.

When my daughter, Ashlie, arrived I was in heaven.  I had dreamed of this day for many years.  Finally I was a mommy and she was my angel.    I loved everything about being a mom.  I wanted her with me all the time.  In fact, I can count on one hand how often my kids were with someone other than me.

I loved those baby years all the way until she reached about 12.  I’ll admit that those teenage years were difficult for the two of us.  She wasn’t a good daughter and I wasn’t a good mom.  She wanted to be that free spirit and I wanted her to understand there were rules we all had to follow.   The relationship between mother and daughter is very different than the one between mother and son.  I think it is because they see their mother as wanting them to be like their mother.

For most mothers, I think the exact opposite is true.  I always thought of my daughter as the girl I always wanted to be.  I wanted to help her become that girl.  She didn’t want to be that girl and she didn’t want my help.  It was a lonely feeling at times for me.  I’m sure it was a lonely time for her too.

I knew her core being was a great one.  I would remind myself that the traits she had that drove me insane would serve her well as an adult.  It was still hard.  I always knew it was hard for both of us but to be honest, my focus was mainly how hard it was for me.

Things started to change after she turned 21.  It wasn’t immediate.  It has been a gradual change.  On both of our parts.  I had to realize and accept that she was her own person and she was a grown woman.  I knew she would have to experience things that I would prefer she not.  I wanted her to listen to me to avoid them.  But the truth is, we all have to go through certain things to learn from them.  I had to let go of her and realize that she was her own person and not an extension of me.  I learned to keep my mouth shut (still work on that at times).  I have also been learning that a mother should never give advice unless it is asked for.  And even then, it’s best to make a suggestion instead of stating it as a fact.  And if she decides to ignore it, you have to accept it.  It is her choice as a grown up.

Our journey has had its hills and valleys (or mountains and ravines) and I’m liking where our journey is now.  I remember when she was an infant the vision I had for her as a woman.  I see the vision becoming a reality.  She has become a beautiful, independent, responsible, competent, loving, caring, funny WOMAN.  She has become this in spite of all the mistakes I made as her mother.

I think God gives you those beautiful loving years of early childhood with your daughter so you have those memories to carry you through the difficult years.  Ashlie is my first born.  She was mine from the moment she was conceived.  God just took a detour to get her to me.  I cannot even imagine my life without her in it.

If you have a daughter and you reach that difficult patch, just know that baby girl you rocked and loved who loved you back is still there.  Never give up and take responsibility for your own part in the strife.  I love the relationship I have with Ashlie now.  It brings me joy every day.  I know that our relationship will grow stronger and deeper in the years to come.

Thank you, Ashlie.  Being your mom is one of the greatest highlights of my life.

I used to sing this Rod Stewart song to her (with some poetic license):

You’re in my heart; you’re in my soul
You’ll be my baby when I grow old
I am your mommy, you’re my best friend
You’re in my soul.

And she still is.

copyrighted 2014
caryn cannatella

www.caryncann.com/?SOURCE=BLOG