FAILURE IS NOT PART OF MY VOCABULARY!!

FAILURE IS NOT PART OF MY VOCABULARY!!

We can learn a lot from babies!

We don't remember learning to walk.  Can you imagine just how hard that is for a baby?  First they have to actually pull themselves up to a standing position. 

Remember seeing a baby wobble back and forth while they hold on to the edge of the coffee table?  We watch as they fall.  We want to catch them but we don't unless they are going to be hurt.  Over and over they fall and get back up.

Once they master just standing up right, they start moving around that table.   They realize that they can move!  It's amazing to watch this happen.   Before you know it, they are ready for the next step.

Soon they are letting go and trying to take that first step without holding on.  I know we have all held our arms out for a baby to walk to us.  I don't know whose eyes are lit up more:  the baby's or our own! 

In a few short months, our baby has gone from rocking on their knees to standing, holding on to walk, letting go, walking and finally running!

Can you imagine if our babies decided after the first fall or two that they had failed and would never get up again?   Can you imagine your baby feeling like a failure who would never walk because they fell down a time or two?

Babies don't know failure.  We teach our children and ourselves failure.

Whatever your goal is at this particular time, view it like a baby.  Fun, exciting, keep trying.  Babies know they can learn to walk.  They see everyone around them walking.   Failure?  It isn't in their vocabulary or experience.

Look around you at the people doing or living the way you want to live.  Do you think their path has been any easier than the one you will have to travel?  Who cares how many times you fall?  Yes, sometimes, you will even get hurt.  Just like babies do.  

All it takes is getting back up and trying again.  You may need a rest.  You may need to think about a better way to try.  The most important thing to remember is:  YOU CAN NEVER FAIL IF YOU GET BACK UP!

At the end of the day, if you have gotten off track for your goals, put it to bed.  Remind yourself of all the things you did right for the day. 

Tomorrow is a new day.  A chance to start over.  Embrace it.  Every day is a new opportunity to focus and walk your path to your goal.  You are strong.  Be like that baby learning to walk.  They know only success!  Failure is not in their vocabulary.  Don't let it be a part of yours!

copyrighted 2015

caryn cannatella

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THE SWIMSUIT

THE SWIMSUIT

Since my first swimsuit at 16, every suit I have ever owned has had a skirt:  some short and some long, or what I call my “formal” swimsuits.  

The other night I was looking at swimsuits and thinking about what kind I would get after my reconstructive surgery.  After I lose another 60-75 pounds I am going to have all the excess skin removed, everything lifted and tucked.    My abdomen weighs over 25 pounds.  I know it does because I’ve weighed it.  My upper arms are the size of most people’s thighs.  My upper arms and abdomen are very much out of proportion to the rest of my body.  Close friends tell me that even now if those two places were fixed I’d probably wear a 12.  I don’t know.

While I am excited about having that petite body that has hidden inside me all my life be released,  I am having some issues.    It all surfaced when I was looking at those swimsuits.  I’m just not sure I could ever wear just a regular one piece suit.  The other day when I was looking at them thinking about getting one after the surgery, I felt like I was having a panic attack.  It just looked to me like the most private parts of my body would now be so exposed.   I have to say it terrifies me.

I know it probably stems back to several things.  Most of you don’t know that I was sexually abused as a child.  I’ve been through many years of therapy and know that this really messes you up.  Many times our abdomens become larger in our body’s effort to cover our genitals.    Is that what it’s about?  I don’t know.

Is it because I’m afraid of my own sexuality and how I would handle just having my body so exposed?  I just keep hearing those words from when I was twelve that I would become a whore or if I wore certain clothes I would end up being raped.  I don’t know.  I just know it scares me so badly that the first thing I want to do is eat.  Doesn’t really matter what.

I am trying so hard to live healthy.  Eat right.  Exercise some.  I want to be free of everything that has kept me a prisoner in my own body for so so long.  I’ve really struggled the last few days.  I haven’t gone crazy but I just haven’t been as focused.    I want to figure out what I have to do to work through this.

I’m so proud of the weight I have lost and the way I have done it.  I’ve lost slowly, I’ve eaten healthy.  I haven’t tortured or abused my body this time.  I just don’t know how to get through this problem.  I think I fear being a normal size because I won’t act normal when I do.    I think I am afraid of becoming that whore that will get raped.

I know it’s not rational.  I know most probably think it is silly.  Intellectually I know it’s not true but in my head that is what I hear screaming over and over.

I'll make it through this.  I know I will!

copyrighted 2014

caryn cannatella

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