THE QUEEN OF FARTS

THE QUEEN OF FARTS

When I moved to Houston in 1978, my first job was at a place called The Greensheet.  It was a free paper that was only ads.  The owner was a woman named Helen Gordon.  She built this paper from nothing.  When I left 5 years later, she had 7 different areas of Houston, at least one in Austin, a couple in Dallas and one in Chicago.  She is the person who gave me the opportunity to become a manager.  "You think you can do it, then let's see!"  With her it was sink or swim.  No training.  It was the best on the job training I could have ever gotten and I learned to be a great manager.

Helen was pretty severe looking.  No time for chit chat.  Actually, she was kind of scary looking she was so intense.  I worked for her for 5 years.  In those five years, I never saw her without a wig, always frosted but she changed the length and style with the seasons.  She had steel blue eyes but I don’t think I ever saw her smile.  She wore ultra-suede suits every day of the year, with a sheer blouse.  She always wore 3 inch black heels.  And she smoked Parliament cigarettes using a cigarette holder.  Back then we all thought she looked cool as she smoked.  I think she thought she looked regal.  When she came to my floor, employees scattered like mice.  I'm sure she was intimidating to even the most seasoned business man.

Shortly after I became a manager, she scheduled a meeting with me.  I wasn't afraid of her but she did intimidate me.  So about 5 minutes before the meeting I decided I better go to the bathroom since I didn't know how long this meeting might last.

I was sitting in my stall doing my business when I saw it.  Those 3 inch black heels.  I thought, she uses the bathroom just like me.  And then it happened.  She let loose with the biggest fart I had ever heard since my last family reunion.  You know the ones, where the men sit around and see who can fart and belch the loudest.  Well, she could have been one of my uncles or even my daddy!  She cut a big one.  I held in a giggle until she left the bathroom.

That incident changed my entire relationship with her.  Farts are the great equalizer!  From that day on, Helen was human to me.  Not bigger than life.  Not more important.  Not intimidating.  She was just like me.  She peed; she pooped and yes, she farted.  In fact, I would say Helen was the Queen of Farts.

copyrighted 2014

caryn cannatella

Skinny Fiber Sales:  www.caryncann.com